Friday, October 9, 2009

BEMIDJI PIONEER, 07/13/2009: Local Tyrannical Dragoness Admits Self to Museum as Art Exhibit

Ah, sorry about the delay! Immediately after launching the site, I went on a spice-fuelled bender to celebrate the first post of a new era in dragon-to-human social relations, and was confronted the next morning by a pounding headache beating my temples like a kettle drum. The back of my head, which had been shaved the night before, was throbbing vengefully; this area was feeling particularly uncomfortable in areas that seemed to form patterns of linguistic artifice. I spent the entire day finding two mirrors ornate enough to be worthy of capturing either side of my freshly-Bjorked skull, and spent the following week engineering a system of pulleys by which the two could be reflected at each other.

Once I had finished filing the patent, I noticed a chilling 64-character code tattooed on the shorn scales; this took more than five weeks and all the cryptography skills at my disposal to decode. I won't bore you with any further details on the process, aside from this final step:


So, here I am, fulfilling the request as dictated to me by a message written in the most obscure fashion my inebriated brain could muster. I'm a little annoyed with myself; I should have known even then that I would waste my time with this crazy nonsense. She's probably even laughing at me
right now.

Anyway, this is the post where I tell you all what to expect on the
Two Timid Dragons Web-log of Fantastic Excellence. As I'd mentioned before, we cover video games, but not in the manner expected of your average 16-year-old's source of "news, views, and your daily dose of gaming goodness." Nothing here will be about the celebrity-style gossip about "developers" and "lead designers" and "Chief Executive Officers", unless it involves actual slapfighting. Because the honorable Phenoix and I spend our days lazing about in a dragonly manner, none of us will be on the scene wearing (nothing but) fedora-with-press-ticket, asking hard-hitting questions and providing you the straight dope on important topics that affect you, our dearest readers. If you want that, don't worry; news aggregators exist everywhere! Find one that jibes with your interests.

Take a shot of cinnamon when you see any of these on an IGN article or podcast; you'll be blitzed before the end of the first paragraph.

So, if not that, what can you expect? Well, lucky for you, I've determined that our greatest assets are only ourselves; sitting in our respective caves with only our game systems and the Internet (and several other items of extreme luxury) to entertain us, all we can do is comment on the entertainment media we find worthwhile. If a new game, old game, news item, or video emerges from the Sargasso of the Internet that either of us ends up finding just ducky, it will appear here, run through our distinct filter of dragony excellence (unless we're distracted by something else. There will also be video content here, but I know enough to not promise anything until after a plan is in place. A good rule of thumb is this:
Expect nothing, and be pleasantly surprised when it doesn't arrive.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a fortune cookie to eat.

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